Three years after I became a Christian a person that I knew for a over five years stole and lied to me. I felt anger and betrayal. How could a “friend” do such a thing? While they never admitted to their trespass, I knew from a reliable source what had happened. The remorseful, penitent heart of my friend that I waited for never materialized.
I had some choices to make. It took me almost three months, but I forgave that person without them asking me for forgiveness. How is that possible? Shouldn’t someone have to ask for forgiveness? Not necessarily. Forgiveness is simply releasing my right to be hurt. Forgiveness is not reconciliation. While the two can be connected, they stand independently of one another.
There are two Biblical men who stand out as great examples of forgivers. The first is Joseph, the son of Jacob. When we first meet Joseph in Genesis 37 he was his father’s favorite son (Genesis 37:4). This caused his brothers to be jealous of him and sell him into slavery. To cover their sin, they told their father that Joseph had been killed by a wild beast.
Eventually ending up in Egypt, Joseph became second in power to the Pharaoh. Roughly 24 years after his brothers last saw him, during a great famine in the area, Joseph’s brothers travel to Egypt to buy grain not knowing if Joseph is there or still alive.
Joseph eventually reveals himself to his brothers. Later, after Jacob’s death, his brothers think that Joseph wants revenge and to kill them. In Genesis 50:19-20, “19 Joseph said to them, “Do not be afraid, for am I in the place of God? 20 But as for you, you meant evil against me; but God meant it for good, in order to bring it about as it is this day, to save many people alive.””
Even though his brothers pled with Joseph to forgive them, Joseph made the choice to forgive his brothers not because they asked, but because he understood the providential nature of God. In an example of Godly wisdom, Joseph released his right to be hurt by his brothers’ actions and accepted God’s will in the matter.
The other great example is Jesus. Without surveying His entire life, Jesus came in love to share God’s love. Rather than receive love in response, Jesus was instead brutally beaten and executed (Matthew 26-27). No one is recorded as asking for His forgiveness as the One who came to offer God’s forgiveness of sins to all hung on the cross. Yet, in Luke 24:23, while dying on the cross, Jesus said for all around Him to hear, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do.” It is possible to forgive another without them asking. This does not mean that God generally forgives sins without asking. What Jesus said in Luke 24:23 is directed to those in the immediate context and their sin in that context.
The Apostle Peter tells us how to receive God’s forgiveness of our sins in Acts 2:38, telling believers to: “Repent, and let every one of you be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ for the remission of sins . . .” We can be assured of God’s forgiveness because God always keeps His Word.
As forgiven sinners we should be able to follow Joseph’s example to forgive others when we are asked. This is what Jesus expects of us as in the example of the parable of The Unmerciful Servant in Matthew 18:23-35.
In addition to being able to forgive others when asked, we must also be able to forgive others when we are not asked. In a well-known quote by Stanford University Professor and Psychologist Dr. Fred Luskin on forgiveness, he notes that forgiveness is “a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed you, regardless of whether they actually deserve your forgiveness.” Like Jesus on the cross, we can forgive others who wrong us, yet do not ask. Such forgiveness frees us from whatever bitterness or desired retribution we might have toward another.
